Winfrey And Roberts Tie The Knot

The happy couple pose saucily for the press.

It was a long time coming but Julia Roberts and Oprah Winfrey married today at a small ceremony held at Bakersfield Pentecostal church, just opposite 'The Gilded Clam' restaurant run by actor Steve Buscemi.

Hollywood insiders have known that Winfrey was an insatiable lesbian for quite some time, but the chat show host has always denied the rumours. With this new revelation several of Winfrey's former lovers have also 'dyked in', including; Whitney Houston, Goldie Hawn, Condoleeza Rice, Mia Farrow, Elizabeth Taylor, Grace Jones, Barbara Bush, and Dakota Fanning.

The couple are currently honeymooning in Detroit where it is believed Roberts owns a brothel.

The ceremony which lasted for forty-seven minutes consisted of Roberts and Winfrey playing 'Nude-Twister' while 'Tool' front man 'Maynard James Keenan' played the lute. Culminating with guests forming a human pyramid while the happy couple made out to the theme tune from 'The Cosby Show'.

Winfrey's long term boyfriend, 'Steadman', who was not invited, recently told the New York Times;

'..Oprah is lovely, really, she is. But I've always known she was gay. We actually met in a lesbian bar in the mid-seventies, I was going through an experimental phase. She was dressed as 'Optimus Prime' and I was in slacks. From that moment I knew she would be the love of my life. Not long after we'd moved in together. We'd always had the agreement that 'intercourse' was out of the question, but I was allowed to jerk off over her shoes. I thought we'd be together forever. When she met Julia at the 'Say No To Tourettes' fundraiser I knew it was all over. The mutual attraction between the two of them was electrifying. I had to leave early to whack off over a pair of brogues. Oppie had great shoes...'

The couple plan to adopt a Filipino mongoloid this June.

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